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Yes, I know I've gained weight
Joined the Y, but it's hard to lose
Any more observations?
Yes, I know there's holes in my shoes
No, I don't have a girlfriend
I'm uptight cuz you make me uptight
Don't be passive-aggressive
Didn't want us to fight tonight
Fer Chrissake, it's Christmas
Didn't fly here to make a scene
For fuck's sake, we're family
Save the freakshow for Halloween
Fer Chrissake, it's Christmas
We've been over this before
This is why we don't talk no more
I'm not ready to fight this war
So help me, I'll slam the door
Fer Chrissake it's Christmas
Yes, I went veg again
I'm sure the ham's fine, chill out
No, I still don't watch football
It's not something I care about
No, I didn't vote Liberal
You know I vote NDP
Yes, I still work in retail
Thanks for the economy
Fer Chrissake, it's Christmas
Didn't fly here to make a scene
For fuck's sake, we're family
Save the freakshow for Halloween
Fer Chrissake, it's Christmas
We've been over this before
This is why we don't talk no more
I'm not ready to fight this war
So help me, I'll slam the door
Fer Chrissake it's Christmas
Fer Chrissake, it's Christmas
Didn't fly here to make a scene
For fuck's sake, we're family
Save the freakshow for Halloween
Fer Chrissake, it's Christmas
We've been over this before
This is why we don't talk no more
I'm not ready to fight this war
So help me, I'll slam the door
Fer Chrissake it's Christmas
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I am George Bailey and I love my kids and wife
But things have gone to Hell, so I decided to end my life
But on that fateful Christmas night...
Clarence, I wanna live again
I really really really really wanna live again
Clarence, I wanna live again
I really really really really really really wanna live again
He found me at my weariest and most well-worn
And showed me what life would be like if I had never been born
Nobody knew me and my brother died at nine
And every man aboard that military transport died
He wasn't there to save their lives
Clarence, I wanna live again
I really really really really wanna live again
Clarence, I wanna live again
I really really really really really really wanna live again
Then he snapped his fingers and it all went wrong
And nobody knew me and even Zuzu's petals were gone
I never gave much thought to when a bell would ring
That was, until Clarence told me the damnedest thing
That's how an angel gets its wings
Clarence, I wanna live again
I really really really really wanna live again
Clarence, I wanna live again
I really really really really really really wanna live again
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Born in a barn to a teenaged mom four years before his birth
With X-ray vision and super speed and a brain the size of Earth
He wore a big "J" on the front of his shirt
He loves everybody on this ball of dirt
From the geriatrics to the embryos
His real name was Josh but everybody knows him as the
Sandal-wearing, table-flipping, money changer-hating
Superpowered Palestinian baby
He was King of the Jews and of mattresses, too
Superpowered Palestinian baby
He banished demons with compelling fists
He was a tradesman by trade and a communist
His nuclear fingers cured leprosy
And he had several disagreements with the Pharisees
Sent by his father in a golden spaceship when their planet was destroyed
He used and electromagnetic forcefield to repel an asteroid
He was made of bread and he never peed
He mastered winemaking with unusual speed
He liked to shove mud into blind people's eyes
He probably wore a kind of tunic and was fly for a rabbi
He's the wooden cross-carrying, crown of thorns-wearing
Superpowered Palestinian baby
He could talk to bees and got mad at fig trees
What a neato Palestinian baby
He liked Archers of Loaf, filled in on bass for Phish
Went on a couple of dates with Lillian Gish
He was friends with woodland critters both large and small
And he was more than likely five foot one inch tall
He's the Nazarethan, Gallilean Aramaic-speaking
Superpowered Palestinian baby
His pronoun was "him", he had a brother named Jim
Superpowered Palestinian baby
His messages were cryptic and his words are twisted
And most scholars agree he probably existed
He said it was okay to eat decapods
Some people even think he was the son of God
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Have a balmy commie Christmas, tell me what is to be done?
The lumpenproles are in the cold, but we can still have fun
Have a balmy commie Christmas, and when you march in the street
Wave your sign; perhaps in time, we'll topple that elite
Ho, ho, politburo
Unionize your firm
Create that surplus value
But do it on your terms
Have a balmy commie Christmas, make the bourgeois shake with fear
Douglas, Tommy; have a balmy commie Christmas this year
Have a balmy commie Christmas, we must work towards it still
Scrooge last night was filled with fright, he dreamed he saw Joe Hill
Have a balmy commie Christmas; when you read Das Kapital
Find some friends and you'll pretend to make sense of it all
La la, a coup d'etat
Bloodless as can be
Reform or revolution?
It's all the same to me
Have a balmy commie Christmas, time to join the DSA
Call dad and mommy, have a fully commie Christmas today
Balmy, commie, balmy, commie, balmy, commie, oh...
Have a balmy commie Christmas, it's a time of year that rocks
Mistletoe with Uncle Joe -- just kidding, we're libsocs
Have a balmy commie Christmas, you know what's good for you
And you can show to folks you know that they can have it too
Yes, yes, false consciousness is hard to penetrate
But don't be condescending
Don't become what you hate
Have a balmy commie Christmas; what a havoc we will wreak
On the economy; have a balmy commie christmas this week
Douglas, Tommy; have a balmy commie Christmas this week
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