Superpowered Palestinian Baby

from That's A Reindeer, Stupid! A Plodes Christmas by The Plodes

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lyrics

Born in a barn to a teenaged mom four years before his birth
With X-ray vision and super speed and a brain the size of Earth
He wore a big "J" on the front of his shirt
He loves everybody on this ball of dirt
From the geriatrics to the embryos
His real name was Josh but everybody knows him as the

Sandal-wearing, table-flipping, money changer-hating
Superpowered Palestinian baby
He was King of the Jews and of mattresses, too
Superpowered Palestinian baby

He banished demons with compelling fists
He was a tradesman by trade and a communist
His nuclear fingers cured leprosy
And he had several disagreements with the Pharisees

Sent by his father in a golden spaceship when their planet was destroyed
He used and electromagnetic forcefield to repel an asteroid

He was made of bread and he never peed
He mastered winemaking with unusual speed
He liked to shove mud into blind people's eyes
He probably wore a kind of tunic and was fly for a rabbi

He's the wooden cross-carrying, crown of thorns-wearing
Superpowered Palestinian baby
He could talk to bees and got mad at fig trees
What a neato Palestinian baby

He liked Archers of Loaf, filled in on bass for Phish
Went on a couple of dates with Lillian Gish
He was friends with woodland critters both large and small
And he was more than likely five foot one inch tall

He's the Nazarethan, Gallilean Aramaic-speaking
Superpowered Palestinian baby
His pronoun was "him", he had a brother named Jim
Superpowered Palestinian baby

His messages were cryptic and his words are twisted
And most scholars agree he probably existed
He said it was okay to eat decapods
Some people even think he was the son of God

credits

from That's A Reindeer, Stupid! A Plodes Christmas, released December 4, 2020

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The Plodes Vancouver, British Columbia

Even our moms don't think we're cool.

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